I haven't posted in a long time with only 14 followers I doubt I'm missed much. I have been posting bout recaps on Examiner.com lately so I guess this is the place I come to bare my soul about all things derby and other crap as well.
I've have a rough and yet really good couple of months. My work load had increased which is WONDERFUL! I have had two friends lose their men to tragic deaths which has been hard for me as I hurt when my friends hurt. I've always been one to feel pain when my friends are hurting. (I'm not saying I understand their pain. I do not know what they are going through or how they feel. My heart is just broken for them), One of my friends is trying to heal physically as well as mourn the loss of her love the other is trying to cope with it all and deal with a precocious toddler all at once.
I lost a friend because she made some very horrible assumptions. I never would have thought anyone would use my current child bearing issues to hurt me so deeply.It hurts like a break up and my heart is still broken. I should be over it but I'm not, I don't recover from heartache easily I never have. To add insult to injury my"roller derby life" was blamed for it all in the end.
My roller derby team died and I almost went over the edge. With the stress of work and life I need to be a part of this more than ever and it died. It's back in a very very different way and I'm a part of it still. I don't think people get my addiction to, and the need to be a part of the derby world, even if I'm a mediocre writer and announcer and a horrible skater. I can't explain my love any more than I have in previous posts. It's just a part of who I am right now and it fills the need for time with other women.
My derby world is the only place I feel normal and accepted just as I am all the time other than at home, with family or church. I don't have to please people, pretend to be anything or try to impress and no matter where I go derby people treat me like family. Baby Face in Austin, Houston Roller Derby, and all the other leagues in Houston. Flat Out Roller Derby in Lake Charles LA and Spindletop in Beaumont TX. All welcome me as one of their own I feel like they are really family. When people speak of derby family I can assure you it really feels like family. Every bout and special event feels like Christmas to me.
When my team died it was like losing a member of this special family. I wept like a baby, I was very sad. Now we're back in a different way but we are still together and welcoming new members. It's different but it's going to be a lot of fun and I get to see my girls at least once a week!
I'm still not out of my dark place but the sun is showing through once again. Oh and I have a triple header HRD/TXRG bout to look forward to along with seeing my writing mentor this weekend! That is worth smiling about.